Over the years I've written many things, copywriting I believe it's called, business related, education related, and such. But you won't find my byline, no need to look. I did all of that writing as a ghost all the while hiding myself, along with my name, away in a dark corner of my life. The amount of money I've made from writing is not anything to be proud of, but it's the thing I would do if I was making nothing, not a silver slivered dime.
You can call it whatever you want. You can say that maybe it was depression; you can say that it was a lack of confidence; you can say that it was the fear of failure or success, blah, blah, blah. Whatever the case may be, it still equates to unfulfillment, to underachievement. No one was stopping me but me. That is probably one of the highest illusory hurdles that any writer or creative person, (indeed, any person), has to get over--you have to decide that you are the painter, you are the sculptor, you are the designer, you are the wordsmith, you are already artfully alive. If you do that, you will see that those arbitrary, random obstacles in your path were manifested by you, and only you can shatter them; only you can make them gone. Only you can open the shining door to the you you want to be.
PERTURBANCE is my first under my own name. It's my initial brave act. I'm going to assume that it gets easier as time goes on, and I'll get used to standing in the middle of heavy traffic stark naked, with nothing on but a tentative smile and a childlike look of 'please, may I have some more(?)'. There will be more; no more hiding myself away. From here on, I'm going to celebrate my life, and I hope that you, dear reader and friend, will celebrate yours along with me.
I don't know if PERTURBANCE is any good. Just a short time ago, that would have caused me to lose sleep, but not now. All I know at this point is that this first little showing represents a turning point, an awakening for me, and I want to share that. I published it backwards; I published it myself; I know it's frowned on in some circles, but I don't care about that anymore either. I did it that way because I was tired of waiting and wanting; primarily I got tired of waiting for myself, waiting for me to decide, and I went ahead and made the decision to ship it anyway, to fling it far out into the deep water and wade in after it. Those gurgles are happy gurgles as I drown in expectation. I may simply drown, but I will drown with the knowledge that I dared it, and did it.
If you find the time--I know everybody's busy--to check out some new reading material, I hope you will give PERTURBANCE a look. I hope you find some points of resonance, and shared awareness. In the meantime, check out this cool guy; he represents fully the spirit I'm trying to convey with my paltry word-stringing: